Part 1: Love - the basic ingredient for growing up happily

The title might seem cheesy. And you will think: “Of course I love my child!” – and that is probably correct. But do you love your child the way they need to be loved? You certainly realize that I am driving at something specific here. The question is not whether you love your child, but whether you love them for their own sake?

You may also be convinced that your child is having or has had this experience. But the fact is that only a few children are fortunate enough to be loved in this way!

I would like to ask you a few questions about this, which you can answer for yourself:

-) How do you react when your child gets a bad grade at school?
-) How do you react when your child has a tantrum?
-) Or, generally speaking: How do you react when your child does not act according to your expectations, wishes, and ideas?

Are you angry? Disappointed? Is there a grounding or a ban on sweets?

You might be thinking now: “Should I be happy about an ‘F’ on a German dictation? Or should I cheer when my child throws themselves on the floor at the supermarket checkout because they aren’t getting a lollipop?” – No, of course not! Every parent knows such challenging situations. They are not a rarity; in fact, they are sometimes on the agenda several times a day. I don’t want to give you a step-by-step guide on how to react in every conceivable situation right now. Unfortunately, I don’t even have one myself! I, too, am sometimes hopelessly overwhelmed by certain situations, haha.

But I want to bring you back to the valuable core idea of this blog post. Your child needs to feel that they are okay just the way they are and that they are loved unconditionally for their own sake.

This is a difficult task, but there is a very simple indicator for it! Children must not get the feeling that they have to try hard to be loved by you!! Read this sentence again and think about it!

Would you love your child more if they had better grades or were an emotionless robot that makes no mistakes and has no needs? Probably not! However, many children think this and, in the long run, try to pretend and push themselves to become more like what their parents want... and all that just to be loved more! It is a primal instinct, so to speak, because love and attention promise them protection and security.

But what is the consequence? Children lose their lightness and become adults who feel externally controlled their entire lives. They are completely dependent on the judgment of other people. They are permanently tense and can never lead a happy life according to their own ideas because they fear they will not receive the desired affection. And all this because they never learned that they are good enough and right just as they are!

With your reactions and actions as a parent, you can set the course... towards a happy childhood full of love and acceptance... and subsequently a happy adulthood! It is a small adjustment with an enormous impact. Please tell your child and, above all, show your child... daily!

And my very personal tip: If you said something to your child in the heat of the moment that you later regret, then tell them so! Apologize! No human is perfect, and we all make mistakes! Your child will feel even more accepted and respected, and subsequently, valuable and loved.

With that in mind: All the best,

yours, Martina from LIONHERZ <3